As we navigate through the choppy waters of our 20s we will experience many lulls, that moment where time is paused and make us wonder ‘what am I actually doing?’ This comes to me often after my weekly routine of work, then emerging into the weekend deciding on which friend group to hang out with. Which bar scene to attend or which excuse I’m going to use when I simply want to Netflix and chill. (Alone. I absolutely do not mean that as a cover to participate in a romantic hang out with a guy I’ve met on Tinder) I’m officially in the middle of my 20s and I can confidently say I am loving my alone time more and more each day, and if any man tried getting fresh with me during my three day binge of Netflix and chill I would flip out in the scariest way. (Take note) As I go through this week by week without change in routine I stop am question my existence. 
Ending college is as weird as everyone describes it, you feel accomplished for maybe a day. Then you score a job that pays you adult money and you buy all the stuff you’ve ever want, you buy countless Uber’s because well, you can. You buy your friends a round of drinks at the bar without crossing your fingers that they buy the next round or pay you back. You do everything you’ve always wanted to be able to do and then a month later you’ve hit your lull. Your routine is no longer new and fun, it’s boring and predictable. You feel weird, not sad or depressed, just stuck or paused in this never ending cycle of routine. You’re wondering what’s next? Is this the life I want to be living? Am I happy? Where will I end up? 

Or the worst, is this what I am supposed to be doing?

So many questions circle my mind at night and it’s left me with the realization that you never really know what’s in store for you. 

Constantly wondering all these answers isn’t ideal so instead you need to ask yourself these questions when you’ve hit your 20-something-just-finished-school-weird-routine-life-lull. 

1. What makes me happy and am I incorporating those things into my daily routine? 

Am I sleeping then working, then coming home and sleeping just to go to work again? Make something out of those hours before and after work. Something productive and meaningful, not just binge watching The Bachelor (I know it’s hard ladies). But really dedicate yourself to create a steady schedule that keeps you feeling productive during your work week. 

2. What am I doing to continue to grow and learn as a person? 

Part of the issue with being done with school is we are no longer explicitly studying a subject, as humans we have a natural need to constantly be learning and improving ourselves. Sign up for a free community class or dedicate your time to reading on a subject or historical event you know nothing or little about. If you feel like you are learning a new subject, language or skill you will recreate that feeling of working towards something. As you get older you realize that knowledge is powerful and sexy, nerds are cool. So put down that T.V remote and pick up a book. Also, think about subject matter that would help you grow in your profession, this could be graduate school or it could be certificates you can earn online. Pick a subject you feel like you neglected in school and research ways to learn more about it. You can take a course on pretty much anything online that interest you, and some for free, so get out there and expand your mind and your confidence will grow.

3. Where do I want to be in the next 6 months and where do I want to be in the next year? 

These are important questions to think about because you need to make sure you are on track to meeting those short term goals. What you are doing now shapes where you will be tomorrow so you need to make sure your decisions now will help you get there. If you do not know where you want to be in 6 months or a year, then you should be spending your time today figuring it out or at least make steps into thinking it through. The worst part about being in a lull is not helping yourself get out of it, no one is going to pull you through it. You have to work through it yourself.
4. Am I feeling this way because I’m concerned with others? 

Are you in this lull because you do not think you are meeting someone else standards? Or are you feeling this way because you believe everyone around you is doing better than you? You cannot let these things effect you because again, in the end, it’s only you that is in charge of your happiness.You cannot base your worth or status on the judgements of others, just like you cannot compare your worth or status to the perceived status and worth of others. In the age of social media this is a question I would challenge you to reflect on. Where is your lull really coming from? What is making you feel incomplete or stuck.

Am I starving in a third world country where my rights aren’t respected and I’m in constant fear for my life or wellbeing?

Nope you’re not so at least you have that. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and change your life to fit your needs. Don’t let questions consume your mind, the what-ifs will drive you insane so think about the things you have to be thankful for and change the things that aren’t working for you. 

Most importantly always remember that we wouldn’t be living if everything was happy go lucky all the time. These lulls are meant to be there to make you question yourself and your decisions and decide if there are any adjustments you want to make. We all experience lulls no matter how pretty our Instagram is.