I had a chat with this lovely woman I met in Zagreb, Croatia on our way to the beautiful Plitvice Lakes. She’s a bit older than me and was talking about her struggle to find herself and how she believes that on her journey to find herself she’s learned a lot through her past relationships. She was also telling me about how she is Serbian and Croatian (which is really interesting if you know history of those countries). We were talking about her culture and how straight forward people are to each other, and how she has a hard time with Canadian and American men for that reason. Almost every girl I’ve talked to on this trip has referenced a story involving a hard past with a boyfriend and how much they feared being alone or the next relationship because of it. They are trying to not think about it by not focusing on this journey to self-love and figuring out exactly who we are what we are looking for. We all felt equally like our guys in past relationships of ours are hiding behind this persona that they want everyone to see, instead of showing what’s really inside for fear of rejection.

When you love someone and you’re committed to them, you owe it to them and yourself to be honest about who you are and what you want. It’s so pointless to put on this facade of what you stand for. The only way to really connect with someone in an honest way and to learn from the relationship is to let them see what’s underneath. What are the layers that make up you? Who are you and what do you stand for at the deepest part of your soul? Exploring this isn’t natural and a lot of times we are scared to reveal it or don’t know what it is. If we really open up to someone and explore that, we can learn a lot. This is the only way you’ll know who you really are and what satisfies your soul.

If you’re constantly hiding behind this facade, are you really allowing yourself to make honest and pure connections with people and yourself? The kind of tie that allows you to grow into yourself and to get to know yourself. Are you really connecting with someone on a level that suits your needs and allows you to feel connected to them on a more spiritual level? We are so quick to hide behind our feelings and play it cool in order to prevent getting hurt, but who is that really hurting. Being open and honest about your feelings from the very beginning is really the only way to not waste any time for yourself and for the other person. Often times we fear humiliation so we hide behind who we think we should be, or how we think we should act. We cover up this part of us because we fear the rejection of others. We fear how their rejection will reflect on us. But if you live your whole life in fear of rejection in anything you do, you will never succeed. You will miss out on so may opportunities if you make decisions based on your fear of rejection.

There is no shame in having the love and honesty you’ve shown someone, rejected. Instead of perceiving it as a bad and humiliating experience you should recognize your strength. Don’t be afraid to “give” too much. It takes an immense amount of bravery and strength to show the world every day who you really are and to show someone you care deeply for. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there in front of someone, emotionally naked, and ask them to accept you for who you are, knowing damn well you’re far from perfect. But who cares if they reject you, that doesn’t reflect your character, it helps you grow. It helps you practice and learn how to be your truest self for the person who does accept that. And most importantly it shows you who you really are. In order to be comfortable with yourself and have that confidence shine through, you have to be honest with yourself. And maybe the rejection from a relationship won’t come all at once, maybe it comes in bits and pieces along the way, that’s okay too. All this practice of being open and honest with your feelings only helps you build a deeper and more honest connection with yourself.

Everyone, regardless of looks and status, is bound to get rejected. The purpose of this cycle of meeting people and putting yourself out there is how you handle the rejection. In the beginning it feels personal, but the more it happens, bit by bit, it blossoms into this amazing learning experience. An experience where you can look back and take certain pieces of the relationship as a lesson and move on. It allows you to connect with yourself on a deeper level. It allows you to be proud of yourself for not being afraid to put yourself out there, which helps you build self-love and confidence. When you walk away from a situation with your head high, your confidence beams. You realize that you will find another person, another situation, that doesn’t end in rejection. You become optimistic because you realize that the rejection came from that individual because it needed too, because something in both your worlds just didn’t click and it’s not personal. It was meant for you to learn from, and move on. Onto the next relationship or next stage of your life, it may involve getting to know someone else, or getting to know yourself, or finally having the courage to pursue something you’ve always dreamed of. You get the chance to evaluate what happened and get closer to figuring out what it is you’re looking for and what it is that you need in your life.

When you get over the fear of being rejected, or the ultimate fear that someone is going to crush your heart like you’ve had it crushed before, you are able to move forward with your life. The more you embrace your past relationships as learning experiences rather than painful memories, the closer you are to figuring out what you really want in a partner and life. Having your heart broken or love rejected and your dreams shattered is monumental. It has to happen. In order for you to realize how strong you really are, to get to know yourself on a deeper level, and to connect with another soul like you’ve never connected with someone before. You have to grow, and without pain, there isn’t much growth.