Being a Millennial, I encompass most of the stereotypes that are associated with our generation. I also prove that despite our differences from other generations and some of our flaws, we are a very capable and empathetic generation. Our generation forces people to explore the “whys” of life. Most of my ventures thus far are spot on with that of an expected life of a Millennial. I’ve been through all the typical millennial struggles. 

I started out my 20s partying while in college trying to get as much freedom as possible while doing the bare minimum to prove I am a semi-responsible human-being. I survived that stage of my life, cleaned up the immaturity, and spent time trying to clean up some messes I had made. Then I had to learn how tough adult love can be, how much drive it takes to pursue your goals, how tough it is to continue to pursue your dreams even when it feels like your world is falling apart. Now I’m spending the later years of my 20s picking up all the messy pieces I have left, all the new pieces I’m getting to know, and putting them all together during my journey of self discovery while traveling the world. I am your modern day millennial. Pretty “basic” to say the least, which is why my stories are so relatable.

My newest “struggle” I am facing with my new age is the way people show pity in their eyes when they discover me as a single 26 year old woman.  After the inevitable question comes the same phrase by all: “Hey don’t worry! I know a guy, he’s nice, tall, and has a great job! You have to meet him, I’ll hook you two up.” While the growing concern people who love me have for me is thoughtful, I must admit it makes me feel defensive and confused.  I too used to fear being single as an older woman. But now that I’m here I do not want my life and the amount of wholeness I feel about myself to be measured by the presence of a man.

Why do we need to find someone to marry? Why does our culture stress that if we don’t find a companion to spend our whole life with we will be miserable?  The concept that you will be miserable and unfulfilled if you die without being with a romantic partner is so deeply rooted in our culture. We fantasize this concept of finding this perfect match and living happily ever after at a very young age. But why do we associate loneliness with a lack of marriage or companionship? Why in a world with growing divorce rates do we still insist that marriage is the answer to our long term happiness? And that if you die alone, you are dying unhappy?

I too always believed in finding “the one” growing up. I would dream about what age I would be when I met my husband. I was so determined to find “the one” that I neglected to get to know myself and my desires as authentically as I has wished. Now I wholeheartedly believe that the most challenging and important thing you will do during your time on Earth, is to really get to know yourself. Force yourself to be alone no matter what temptations are thrown in your way. Dedicate you time to you ONLY. Figure out who you are without all the other influences surrounding you.

Millennial’s are more focused on soul searching than searching for a soulmate, which is a significant shift compared to the conventional ways of the generations ahead of us. After I got out of my last relationship I did a lot of reflecting on these “whys” and I realized that I haven’t been single for a long period of time. I jumped from relationship to relationship without processing my life, my feelings, and my insecurities. I depended on other people to help me settle those things, and as soon as the next one didn’t work out, I still had all those empty voids. I realized the unhappiness was stemming from these romantic partnership, and for the past 10 years I’ve jumped from one relationship to the next. My loneliness wasn’t caused from a lack of a companionship, it was caused by my lack of knowing myself. I looked in the mirror for months after my getting out of my last relationship and I felt so scared because I felt like I had no idea who I was anymore. 

Stripped of the thoughts and judgements of others, who are you? The only way you can truly get to know yourself is to spend time reflecting on your dreams, goals, and insecurities alone so you can figure out what they really are. I want to know that I don’t need to depend on anyone else to feel secure about myself, and I want to feel confident in knowing who I really am. I want to know without a doubt that at the end of a long week, or a traumatic experience I am capable of getting through it by myself. 

To some, I am merely a “single-26-year-old-on-the-verge-of-dying-miserably-alone” but to me I am being careful and thoughtful with my time here on Earth.  I do agree we need human relationships to maintain an equilibrium of happiness in life, I firmly believe most people do not give themselves time to get to know their true self and true desires. I want to be responsible for my own happiness. Dying alone does not scare me anymore, what scares me is thinking I could die without ever getting to know who I really am. How empowering would it feel to be confident with who you are and what you stand for? How empowering will it be to know that you can pick up the pieces of your life by yourself and move forward no matter what problems you endure along the way? How empowering will it feel when I look loneliness in the eye and overcome it, by myself?