Is she better than you?  Smarter, funnier, prettier, cooler? Does she make him happier than you did? In a society filled with social media filled by girls competing with each other on looks and quirkiness, its very hard to not constantly feel like you’re being compared to others. So naturally when the day comes when your ex starts dating someone else, no matter how soon or far away, you can’t help but feel like once again you’re being compared to someone else. 

First you find out, and you feel a bit still, unable to think properly. All these toxic and irrational thoughts flood uncontrollably into your mind. Regrettably you think, is she better than me? Why her? And not me? I think it’s extremely honest to admit these thoughts, they hurt. Like a sharp pain equally entering your heart, stomach, and ego. You circle back to those thoughts post break up, why am I not good enough, why isn’t that me? Is it my weight, my ambition, my face, my height, my style, my intelligence? How can I be surrounded by so much love and so many smiles, and still not be good enough and what makes her better than me?

I thought these things in my head as my best friend randomly broke the news. During my silence as my mind was racing she told me not to worry, that he sucked she was ugly and whatever other quick insult she could come up with to hopefully make me feel better. I insisted she stopped because quickly I realized:

Good for them. 

Good for him for being able to move onto to something new. He deserves it and she does too. Good for them for finding each other. He deserves to be happy and so does she. Why would I cloud my thoughts comparing myself to a stranger. And why does it matter that he’s found someone he likes. It’s refreshing when someone starts to develop a new relationship so why should I cloud that with negative self destructive thoughts.

It doesn’t matter if she’s everything I’m not. It doesn’t matter if she fills the voids I couldn’t. You cannot compare yourself to others no matter the situation. There is no point for me to sit here dwelling, thinking negative thoughts for two people that, like everyone else in this world, deserve nothing but happiness. I refuse to compare myself to another woman, especially when I’m always wishing women treated each other better. I don’t know anything about her so how could I think all these negative thoughts or take the path of petty humans and speak ill of someone who isn’t me. How can think selfishly in this situation. How can I constantly bring it back to me. Everyone deserves to be happy, everyone deserves a fresh start. Everyone deserves another chance at happiness. And other people’s happiness shouldn’t effect your own. 

It’s really black and white for me. If someone doesn’t fit into your life, it doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to fit into someone else’s. Everyone deserves happiness and a functioning relationship. Just because your ex found happiness with someone else, doesn’t make them better than you. It doesn’t mean she’s prettier, or smarter, or whatever else you think she might be, that you never were. It just makes them a better fit. Just like you’re a better fit for someone else. ❤️